My hallucinations started off fairly harmless, entertaining even. At first, I would just see something out of the corner of my eye… like when I walked my dog Crash and a thought I saw a shadow move. But when I turn to face the dark figure, there was nothing there. This was the beginning of a freaky-deaky time in my life. I was experiencing the side effects of a Parkinson’s medication.
Now, I know your first response is, “what medication was it?” But because what works for some people, might not work for others… (Remember the whole snowflakey thing) I am choosing not to name it. But I will give you a hint; it came from the class of drugs called Dopamine Agonists, which are known for their high rate of reported side effects such as compulsive or impulsive behavior, Hypersexuality, gambling or hallucinations.
The next few months were filled with exhilarating nights of waking up abruptly to then becoming petrified by a chair that had a pile of clean clothes (Because why would you want wrinkle-free blouses) that looks exactly like a creepy man just sitting in the dark watching me sleep. I would lay perfectly still so the clothes monster would think I’m still snoozing, then I would analyze every detail of its body before coming to the realization that I have been duped by a pile of unsorted laundry.
I lived in an apartment that had a washer and dryer in a closet on the patio. So I would load up my dirty laundry in preparation for creating another clothes monster, which will probably scare the crap out of me again, adding to my chores… the cycle never ends. With a full basket of garments in my arms, I begin to walk into my apartment, but then I feel that something was coming up behind me. I could feel its presence, a threat running towards me. I drop my basket and turn around quickly putting my arms in front of my face planning to defend myself. But no one was there.
I started using my dog Crash as a reality gauge. If I saw something, I could watch how Crash reacted. If Crash acknowledged the movement or if he knew someone was approaching, he would let me know by his behavior. This helped me know what was real or if it was just in my head.
Smart people might ask, “Why didn’t I stop the medication?” It’s because my symptoms were under control and besides the incidents with the clothes monster, feeling like I was going to be attacked by a highly trained assailant, and now using my dog as a barometer of my existence… ok well now when I type it out it does sound like I should have tapped out sooner, but it took a dark night to change everything.
It was a late Saturday evening when I awoke suddenly from a bad dream. I couldn’t recall what the nightmare was about, unbeknownst to me, the horror was just about to begin. I open my eyes to a blurry silhouette of a small lady with long black hair, sitting on my legs, with her back to me. Think of the girl from “The Ring”… no joke. Now I could pin this on just good ol’ Hallucinations, but I was terrified when I realized that I could feel the weight of the girl on my legs. Eekkkk!
I tried to move, but my legs were pinned by this very real girl who was just chilling there, probably contemplating on stealing my soul…I’m just guessing. I try to reach for the lamp on my nightstand, but I couldn’t move my body. So I did what any rational person would do in this situation, I screamed. My roommate came busting trough my bedroom door and flicked on the light switch, which I now know immediately destroys clothes monsters and creepy girls trying to steal your soul…. a little piece of valuable information for you to keep…you’re welcome. The next day, I discontinued that medication…. with my Neurologist’s direction of course.
So I take this happened recently or was this a while back?
As for myself, one time I had fallen asleep in my reclining chair and I had a dream that I had awoke, but could not move and I tried to call for help but no sound came out of my mouth. Then I saw above and in front of me what I believed to be an image of me lying in the reclining from the vantage point of behind the reclining chair. I then tried to move anything I could and I found that I could roll my head from side to side I kept doing this in the dream until I awoke.
This other time I had awoke in my reclining chair and for a split second I saw out of the corner of my eye what appeared to a woman standing off to my right hand about 6 feet away. I saw the woman standing there and I recognized the clothing of who I remember wearing that type of clothing and her head was there, but her face was all blurry, but of course as soon as I moved eyes to look at the figure she was gone.
The person that wore that type of clothing was my grandmother that had passed away 15 years before.
This was when I first was diagnosed and put on Dopamine Agonist. You experiences sounds frightening!
Thank you for sharing such a personal and important story. I know personally there are a lot of people who are/have experienced the same thing. Many did not know what was happening until someone else shared their story with them. Much like you just did. Also, Crash just added ghost whisperer to his long list of puppy duties. Bravo Crash!
Thanks Chad! I’ve been following your progress with DopaFit… you’re doing great work! I look forward to seeing your future endeavors.
Wow Allison…
….another ‘optional extra’ that was overlooked in the fine print when we unknowingly were signed up for this PD road trip.
I’ve been taking an antagonist for about 3 years now, with thankfully no hallucinations. My sleep is so broken and sparse each night, the last thing I want to do is share it with some unwelcome creep or creature… then again, no, I wouldn’t even welcome a talking tub of Chapman’s Black Jack Cherry Frozen Yogurt as an alternative…
My mind has been challenging enough to deal with while I’m awake during the day….
thank you Allison and to those of you that have shared your experiences..
Shane, stop teasing me with that black cherry fro yo! You’re killing me! Ha!
Hi Allison, Perky Parkie,
First off, I can only imagine what that would feel like to be pinned down in your own bed feeling helpless in what should be the safety of your own home. I am happy to hear that you decided to change your meds,
Again you share your life with us in such a raw vulnerable way, that takes courage.
Even being an adult male, I believe I would react the same way. I am in my fourth year since being diagnosed and hearing you share your experiences helps me to be aware of what I might experience with my own condition.
Speaking for myself, thank you for inspiring me with your courage and vulnerability to be so open with my condition.
Looking forward to your next blog as always.
Thank you for being you.
CHEERS!!!!
Cory
Cory, happy to hear that you enjoyed my post. Thank you for your comment.
Snap. On a dopamine agonist I used to wake to see a black dog in our bedroom or on the bed. Then there was the phase where I was bringing a sharp knife into our bed and waking up with it under me or lost in the bed sheets. I was having very violent sinister dreams at the time.
Sounds scary! Hopefully the black dog was friendly!
I am there…I was trying to understand what was meant when I heard that you could have hallucinations from the meds…when I read this…ding ding ding ding ding ding…I have been having alot of these signs…sightings…and some are sort of Matrix like skips…where I almost think that I am seeing skips like in the Matrix…Thanks…I understand now.